2 years…
April 21, 2010, 8:32 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,


Tonight I light a pink candle for you.  I remember you and hold space for you.  Because you were loved so much, and are still loved.

Tonight I light an orange candle for you.  I remember you and hold space for you.  Because in order for me to move on, I have to heal myself and not feel so guilty about what happened.

Two years ago yesterday I was on cloud nine.  I felt that invincible life flow through me and within 12 hours I went from that to a hollowed out dead tree trunk.  It’s amazing how in one hour you go from 2 to 1 and how something so little held  become something that held so much space.

They say that time heals all wounds.  But what about when they are not wounds?  What if they are more like amputations?  I mean, if you had your leg, and then suddenly it was gone, how can time just heal that?   You just learn to live with it and convince yourself that it was “all for the best”, when deep down you know that that is the biggest lie ever.

Tonight as I lit my candles and called out his name, I could smell that soft downy hair, feel that squishy skin.

Finn, I miss you still so much.

And I never even got to hold you.


8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

My heart cry with you and I will be thinking of you all day.


Comment by Nancy

Thank you.

Comment by tulsileaf

What a lovely remembrance.

Comment by Carmen

Thank you.

Normally I wouldn’t post something so personal ( I get very weirded out posting even my kid’s face sometimes)but I think sometimes getting things out there makes it easier.

Comment by tulsileaf

My heart is aching for you, too. I am so sorry. ❤

Comment by Nicole (Frontier Dreams)

Thank you.

Strangely enough, I feel more healed this year. We lost the pregnancy at around 13 weeks and it was very hard to deal with, especially for my husband. Although I physically had to go through it, he had to put on the brave face and go straight back to work.
Thank you for your comment.

Comment by tulsileaf

my heart just broke open with your pain. i can not imagine the emptiness and sorrow that the absence of your little one left inside of you. much healing love to you, mama.

Comment by rae

Thank you so much for your comment.

Comment by tulsileaf

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