18 April 2010
April 18, 2010, 10:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Interesting week.  I feel so weird sometimes putting very personal things out here in the universe, but this week had been very reflective.  So I guess I will just touch on some personal things.

I’m a musician, so not only am I very picky about what I listen to, what I do listen to means more than anything to me.  I am highly attached to certain albums and just listening to them flood me with images of my life and I can smell/taste/touch my memories.  Funny thing is that maybe what I listen to you wouldn’t think looks like it *fits* me?   I like beautifully arranged, lush, emotionally charged music that just grabs you and pulls you in.   The last few years, especially since living with my husband I haven’t listened to what I like because he takes over the music in the house.  He loves drum and bass and hip hop and well, I have been very patient with it.  But to tell you the truth I can’t stand it.  Some of it I will listen to and actually like .  The more atmospheric I like, but the jungle?!?!   Does my brain in.  I need verses, chorus, and please throw in a coda and a bridge!!!  Plus, some of the music I listen to is not good for little ears, so it’s stayed in my drawer and not come out.  But this week I have pulled out a lot of my favorites and enveloped myself in things that make me feel the most connected to a girl I once loved more than the girl who is here now.

This week I learned the lead singer of a beloved band of mine died.  He was so young, only 48!, but lived a life not conducive to a quantity of years.   So sad.  When I heard about it, images of my youth came back and I immediately went and dug out the albums.   I sat up all hours of the night listening on headphones, remembering this kinda punky goth girl who used to love to go to a show and thrash in the mosh pit.  The girl who used to go to sleep with Nine Inch Nails and Type O Negative blasting in her ears.  I remembered this girl who had really awesome dreams, who wrote, who played music and who enjoyed and didn’t numb herself to life because it’s not what she thought it should be.  So it inspired me a bit.

I’m going back to school and I am going to pick back up my music.  I have no clue where this is going, where I am going, but I guess that is half the fun.  It’s been 9 years since I have picked up my flute, but I still remember how to play it.  I want to get back into playing with orchestras and operas and maybe do some recording.  Whatever comes of it, you know?  Not to sound full of myself, but I was good, really good.  And I let something really silly stop me from doing it and I ran far far far away from it and landed in Florida ( I am originally a west coast girl)

Weird entry.  HA!


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