TulsiLeaf


Growing……
March 31, 2010, 3:49 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

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Everything in this house has been growing.  Getting bigger and older.  Wiser.  Our pup, Stingy(her name still kills me.  M named her because she was her favorite word last year.) turned a year old sometime in February.  Stingy has a lovely little soul and you can see in her eyes how gentle she is.   Although the boxer in her makes her a spaz, the pit in her makes her all Mama.

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She constantly follows my daughter around, curiously looking at what she is doing.  Always keeping an eye on her, making sure she is out of harm.  But the boxer in her gives her so much energy that sometimes there is a head but, a nip on the hand, or my butt!  But earlier this month she proved her place in our family when she ran off someone who tried to break in while her and I were home alone.   Since then we have trusted her to have the run of the house at night and while we are gone and she hasn’t let us down.  There is a certain amount of trust she knows we have given her and when I came home and found she had chewed one of M’s shoes I know it was just an accident.  Honest it was an accident, she says!  I believe her.  I truly do.  How can you not with that face?

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I wish I could bottle what she has and drink it down.  Sometimes I sit her in my lap and I just inhale so hard I think my chest will burst.  There is something about that girl, I can not put my finger on it, but something about her.  Her fearlessness, her boldness, and yet at the same time she has this fragility that one look will burst her into tears.  What a wonderful mix.  A perfect smoothie.   She is growing so fast that when I look back on pictures of her as a babe I just simply can not remember what it was like to have her so tiny.  So little.  Yet I can still remember that night when they put her in my arms.  The NICU was so dark and all I could see was that single spotlight on over her fishbowl cot.  I remember how I had to remind myself to breathe as I held her.  And when I did remember to breathe all I could do was cry because of what had happened to us.  We had such a rough and disrespectful start to our lives together that I have been spending the last 4.5 years apologizing and trying to make it up to her.  Whenever I feel my mind wonder to thoughts of that I look at her and remind myself that it wasn’t our fault and that sometimes the universe just has other ideas.  Then I am reminded that we had 3.5 wonderful nursing years

Sometimes I find it so hard to let her grow, but who am i kidding?  She is growing even if I don’t want her to.  Facts of life.  Husband and I have been talking extensively about her going into kindy this fall.  Right now she attends a small pre-k at a local church 5 days a week for 4 hours.  I really do adore the school and although they do have to adhere to the local school board standards (like writing your name before kindy, knowing your alphabet by site) it is the most loving school I have found locally.  Well other than a private one that would just suck our pocketbooks dry.  Her teachers are warm and inviting, but still stern without being overbearing.  She gets along with her classmates wonderfully and always loves to share and interact with them.  So, even though the pre-k doesn’t fall right in our line of what we want, it allows for me to go to work for a few hours a day and she loves it.

But something doesn’t sit right with my husband and I about sending her to a public kindy for 6+ hours a day.  We remember when we were in kindy that it was only 4 hours.  Morning session and afternoon session.  Now?!  Almost 7 hours, they are reading paragraphs by the end of the year and do more testing than most junior high school students.  It’s pretty ridiculous.  Rest period is phased out by October and the icing on the cake is that the teachers are so worrisome of how their actions are perseeved, or they are to worry about being struck, that they recoil away from the children and affection.  I remember clutching to my kindy teachers skirts when I was frightened or missed my parents.  Of her cuddling me when I fell down and scraped my knee.  Hell I remember my high school ROTC instructor hugging all of us when our dear friend killed themself.  The tests, the lack of emotion and the overbearing nature of school has forced my husband and I to look for something of an alternative.

So the subject of homeschooling came up a few weeks ago.
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As I look into my child’s eyes and see that she needs a human touch, the more that public school seems foreign to me.   The more I think about my own experiences in public school, being teased for being chubby, people only wanting to be my friend so they could copy my answers, not being asked to a single dance, never having a boyfriend, the more I want to shelter this little flower who is just starting to blossom from the pelting rain and hail.  Afterall, isn’t that what I, as a parent, is supposed to do for their child?  Shelter them from harmful things?

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There are many things I worry about when taking on this HUGE task for my child. Can I do it? Will I fall victim to my own self sabotaging laziness? Am I doing this because of my own personal fears or is this truly for her own good?  How will she make lasting relationships with her peers when I am pulling her away from them?  Am I going to survive this?  Is she?
But my husband is behind me on this 300% and he is even going to take on some subjects to teach.  He is the artist in the family, I am the musician.  So I figure we will both have a niche to teach her.  And it will make us practice.  Should be good for the family.  We are going to start gardening and teaching her life lessons, along with reading, writing and arithmetic.   Handwork will be a big thing and being outside another.  So as I kept thinking about this and what style we would be teaching her in, Waldorf seemed like the only real tangible way to go.  I have always been very attentive to discussions regarding Waldorf.  I had a friend that taught in a school and I liked what I saw.   I helped her with some handwork projects and started to teach her to knit.  I loved looking at her nature table and her birthday ring.  The stories she told and the songs she sang.  So I have started ordering some books from the library to read, we have slowly started some rhythms.  In the morning when we wake up, we sing the good morning verse while lighting a candle on the nature table, then we say good morning to the dog and the fish, feed the animals first then eat our breakfast.  Oh and we say a meal verse before we eat.  We started this two days ago and it is something I look forward to.  I am not the organized, schedule type of girl, so going to bed Sunday with no type of rhythm and waking up Monday to a whole month of it laid out before me is very overwhelming.  So we will keep up the morning rhythm for a few weeks, then add an evening verse.  And as we feel more settled into these rhythms we will keep adding different things.  We have 6 months until “school” begins.  So I am confident that we have plenty of time to figure things out.  After all, like I told my husband, we can always send her to public school if we chicken out.

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I am unsure of what the future holds for us and our little family, but I do know a few things. That we love each other, are trying as hard as we can and that no matter what that little face is what makes us try all this crazy stuff.

Btw, these pictures are from this past week. The ones with her in the dress are from her schools “Spring Fling”. Her little pre-k had their little Easter egg hunt and games. It was small and not much, but so much warmth and love spread around. I truly will miss her teachers and I am glad that my daughter got to meet them and learn from them. 3 pf the most lovely ladies around. And the pictures of her with the black tshirt are her in our backyard. We have been making her get outside more. So her favorite thing is to go to that spot in the yard, and just play in the dirty. She comes in filthy, but rosy cheeked and happy. The poor dog has been fed mouthfuls of leaves and rocks and they both have rolled in the dirt so much I think it’s imbedded in their skin. M was seen to be making dirt angels.

Eww.

Thanks for reading and take care!



Spring has sprung!
March 23, 2010, 1:18 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

As my daughter said when she woke up on Saturday,

“The Root Children have come!  The Root Children have come!”

I am a bit late on blogging about this, but Mother Earth stopped by our house, gave our nature table a makeover and her and the Root Children left some gifts.  It was a pretty good way to start off the change of the season.  And we were very glad to welcome in spring!  Down here in Florida, winter has been very “cold”.  Normally I am one to love the cold weather, but my blood has gone thin and I don’t tolerate it so well.  Plus having terrazzo flooring doesn’t help.

This is what the root children left us!  Things for the nature table.  They left a felted egg with two bendy girls, another felted egg that laid on it’s side makes a great bed for the girls and rocks.  They left some fairy wings (which will be going back to the fairy store as they broke!) and a new book to use as lovely scenery for the table.

These are two little bendy girls from Princess Nimble Thimble .  They are lovely, came wrapped up all gorgeous and I want ten thousand more.  A bit expensive, but when you see the workmanship involved in them, you won’t mind.  M gave them names, but for some reason I can’t remember them!  They are good names to.

This book is really lovely.  It’s called The Golden Egg Book.  It has wonderful artwork in it and makes a lovely backdrop for the nature table.

Here is one of the eggs I felted.  But instead of cutting it so it looks like a cracked egg, I cut it long wise.  It looks like a neat little home for the bendy girls to sleep in, or a little holder for some of the rocks (these are picked out by Papi.  There is a beautiful green rock shaped like a heart).  Later on I might felt a design on it.

All snuggled up!

Slowly but surely we are figuring out how the nature table works.  She loves her nature table, but I do have to figure out a way to make her understand that it is to interact with but not destroy.  For about 20 minutes yesterday I did find myself getting quite cross with her because she kept dropping our new stackable rainbow on the floor.   The first time was an accident, but the second, third and fourth times were not.  One thing I can not deal with is disrespect of things.  I really have to work on my reaction to such things though.  Calmer, calmer.  I want her to enjoy the nature table, but how do you get them to understand that there is a bit of reverence that goes along with it?  She’ll take the book down, flip through the pages and then just put it somewhere.  Take Mother Earth off, play with her and then just leave her laying face down in the pond!  Poor Mother Earth!

But the Spring Equinox was lovely, I did have to work though so I didn’t get to fully celebrate.  But that is okay.  I wanted to go out and take a lovely walk on Sunday, but it poured and we had a day inside.  Since then we have been pretty busy, so hopefully this week I can get in a little celebration for myself.

Yesterday we got a lovely package in the mail though!  I went on a little buying spree and my “sprees” are really spending 20 bucks and getting a small package in the mail!  So many things I want, but my eyes are bigger than my pocketbook.   When I got home from work today I found that we had a package all the way from the Czech Republic!  How exciting!  So I open up our package and what do we have?!?

A beautiful Rainbow stacker and little root children from Rjabinnik!  I need to take better pictures of them because these horrid, blurry pictures do not do them justice.  We ran into a bit of problems with shipping, but he was super lovely to work with and I would totally buy from him again.  Actually I am eying my next purchase!  The pieces are made well, painted well (you can still see the wood through the paint, which I LOVE), but one word of warning, read the measurements of these, I kinda didn’t.  The daffordil is BIG.  It almost the size of my hand!  Opps!  but it looks lovely on the table and adds a bit of woodland magic to it!

So here is the Nature Table with everything on it so far.  We decided to take the stream out (which was just a bit of roving) because M kept pulling on it and tearing it and wanting to use it like a whip.  I do need something to lay under it, right now it is to green pillow cases I have.  Not very attractive.  Maybe some playsilks?

I am desperately trying to find our rhythm in the house.  I am, by nature, a very disorganized person.   So trying to organize our day so that it flows is slightly overwhelming to me, but I know that my child desperately needs it.  Since the time change, we are all over the place.  We are eating later, going to bed later, getting up later.  The spring ahead always takes me at least a good month to get used to.  This one, this year is just torture.  Yesterday we missed preschool because we woke up to late (9am!).  I just need to figure out how to do things more orderly, without losing the spontaneity that I have to have!



So behind……
March 10, 2010, 1:58 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am really trying to get into the swing of things here.  Blogging doesn’t come very natural to me.  Although you would think at the rate I talk.  I always forget to write things out and sometimes it kind of weirds me out to know that people know things about me without knowing me.  Interesting.  What I really need to do is comment more on the blogs I read.  I always read, think all these grand things to myself and then never hit the comment submit button.  I get distracted easily I think!

But anyways.  A while ago I started knitting this shawl, then I thought I royally messed it up so I put it away.  Few weeks ago a dear dear friend of mine started going through something pretty stressful and while I was digging out something else I found this.  So I dropped everything (including somethings that need to be done) and I finished it.  Then I dyed it, and I messed it up dyeing it.  So I don’t know what to do now.  Mum says it doesn’t look to bad, but I am horrified.

Pattern Vernal Equinox Shawl (ravelry link)

Yarn: HandPaintedYarn.com laceweight in shocking pink

Needles: US 5  I could have gone bigger

I do think it came out pretty good.  I really like it.  It’s warm and inviting ( It did felt a small tiny bit in the dyeing process because I did it at 1am!!!!!) but do you see the dark spot on the right hand side?  It looks like someone dropped a capful of purple dye onto it.  *sniffle*

I’ll get better pictures later.

But after that I started knitting a tunic for my daughter and ugh I need to frog it a bit.  I am knitting a size 5/6 and she is only a 4/5.  I hate things that are to big on her and I hate waiting for things to fit her, but I think I am going to have to knit to size on this one.  I messed it up and it wasn’t funny.  Ha!  If I  get brave I will do some pictures on that one.  But I am at a loss on what to knit now.  My stash isn’t exactly one that brings about great ideas for projects.  I have lots of left over things, lots of odd balls, not sweater amounts in anything.  We don’t have the money for me to spend on lots of yarn just for the heck of it.  I did score a hank of some Dream in Color Smooshy !!!!  I will post a picture of it tomorrow.



04 March 2010
March 4, 2010, 2:46 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

When I was a little girl, I was an avid reader.  No, strike that, obsessive reader.  I can’t remember how old I was when I learned, I think around the normal age, but once I learned I couldn’t stop.  The librarian at my elementary school knew me by name because I was ALWAYS in there.  When I was 8 I freaked myself out by reading the Elephant Man book.  To this day, I remember the smell of the book.  It was seriously WAAAAAAAY different than the smell of all the other books.  An unsettling smell.  But I loved that book.  Every year I would get the achievements for most books read and this carried on into middle and even high school.  Somehow after I had my daughter I stopped reading.  Which, I find is just so sad.  I am getting way into reading to my daughter.  She loves books to be read to her and she loves a good story.  We have read Stellaluna, which she wants me to read every night.  I think she is going to get a bit upset when we return it to the library!  The good thing is that she loves going to the library.  So do I.  We have a quaint little library a miles or two from the house.

With that being said, I was so excited when I came across this

Words can not describe my joy when I saw this on the shelf.  Tears nearly came to my eyes.  This series is my most beloved childhood memory.  I have read this series more times than I have fingers and toes.  I even have the Little House on the Prairie from my school library because the teacher knew I loved it so much she let me buy it for 50 cents.  Standing in the library, with my eyes blinking back the tears so to not look like a fool, I opened the book up and smelled it.  Standing there holding this book was not a nearly 30 year old woman with her own daughter, but a 10 year old girl in her school library dreaming about living with Ma and Pa and Mary and Laura and Baby Carrie.  Dreaming of running through the prairie barefoot looking for beads that Indian camps left.  Of wearing a sun bonnet and riding in the wagon.  Churning butter and and baking bread.

We have read two chapters so far and I can nearly recite every word to the book.  I found myself running through the pages ahead to see if things that happened to them where still in the book.  Making maple candy on the snow, the stories Pa would tell and just the daily things they would do in rural living.  Only there are a few things I find myself being conflicted with when telling the story to my daughter.  First off, when Laura got whipped for slapping Mary’s face,  but daughter didn’t understand.  We don’t spank and for a minute I thought about omitting that part, but I couldn’t bear to omit ANY part of the books.  Because it was true and it happened.  So I explained why we don’t and how that was what parents did back then.  She seemed to understand, which is a bit hard for a nearly 5 year old.  The other thing she had a hard time with was Pa killing the bears and pigs for meat.  There was a few pages on a pig being slaughtered and that worried my daughter.  I had to explain to her that that is what they had to eat back then.  We are religious vegetarians, even though she is of her own free will to eat what she wants, and when she heard about this, she got very upset.  But I didn’t want to shield her from that.  After a good talk, she seemed to accept it.

It’s wonderful though, I find myself looking forward to our story time now.  We sat curled on the couch last night reading another chapter and snuggling.  Story time isn’t so rushed.

Wash on Monday

Iron on Tuesday

Mend on Wednesday

Churn on Thursday

Clean on Friday

Bake on Saturday

Rest on Sunday

Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.